At Kind Clinic, we strive to destigmatize all types of consensual sex, no matter how “naughty” it may seem. Fetishes and kinks are a normal part of life and we wanted to hear what questions our community had about them. You submitted your questions to us and now our guest fetish and kink experts, Mav, Elizabeth, and Mr. Peter have your answers! Our three experts have extensive experience in the BDSM, leather, and impact world of fetish and kinks. Read what they have to say about kinky sex in the Q&A below.
1. Is choking your partner while having sex in any way safe?
Mav:
Yes, it can be! Before engaging in choking, or “breath play” as some refer to it, make sure you have a conversation with your partner about how they like to be choked. Also, do your research on the proper ways to engage. There are two different methods: one cuts off air supply and the other cuts off blood supply to the brain. Make sure you have a non-verbal hand signal that the receiver/bottom can use when they need the top to stop. Being able to read your partner’s body language is important as well. Before you engage in breath play, please read this guide on how to safely engage in erotic asphyxiation.
2. Is there any proof cock rings work to prolong an erection?
Mr. Peter:
Cock rings have been around for centuries. The first documented use of a cock ring was in China in the Jin Dynasty (265–316/317, 317–420 CE). It was very popular among middle-aged men and were created in jade, ivory and animal skin. During the Victorian era (mid to late 1800’s), cock rings were used as a device to reduce urges and erections due their sometimes-uncomfortable features.
These days, the cock ring can be made of many materials and can be worn comfortably or uncomfortably, depending on the goal of the user. The feeling that something is hugging the base of your penis or even drawing attention to your penis gives some an erection. It’s thought that a ring made of soft rubber can trap the blood flow from flowing backward and therefore keep an erection. It’s more likely that the stimulation by soft pressure of the ring adds to your penis’ ability to keep it up, not the stopping of blood flow. As with all devices used for sex, it’s important to remove the ring if it becomes too uncomfortable.
3. What are some websites that sell bondage gear that I can trust and are LGBTQ owned/allied? Normally I would shop locally, but with COVID-19, I’d rather shop online. I want quality gear that is sustainably sourced/ethically made.
Elizabeth:
Locally-owned Sir Rat right here in Austin has a great selection of gear and toys. They offer curbside pickup, appointments for private shopping sessions, and online shopping with delivery. Farther afield, Wet For Her is a fantastic, ethical, woman-owned business with high-quality items at reasonable prices. For high quality toys for all bodies, you can’t go wrong with LGBTQ-owned and ethically-sourced, Tantus.
4. Why am I sexually attracted to feet and socks?
Mr. Peter:
The bottom line is that sexual attraction to a particular body part – no matter what the body part is – is normal. Feet are incredibly sensitive, so it’s natural for some to enjoy light tickling, kissing, swatting, slapping, or pricking with a needle. The smell of feet or socks triggers emotions in some. The “why” cannot be answered without an in-depth analysis of an individual’s life experiences, but it really doesn’t matter. The love of feet and socks (the clinical term is “podophilia”) is harmless and those who are into it will find many forms to indulge their interest. Click here for a great article on this topic!
5. I love impact play with my partner but sometimes I get welts. What is the best way to treat these so they heal more quickly?
Mav:
I’m a huge lover of impact play, as well. Healing is so individual to the person and how their skin reacts. Some things that have helped me are coconut oil, making sure I keep the wound clean and covered, and cool compresses.
6. My bf wants me to call him derogatory names while we’re having sex. I want to make him happy but this makes me uncomfortable. Should I just go along with it?
Mr. Peter:
The first rule to great sex or any kink play is to talk to your partner about what you’re feeling and negotiate the rules of engagement. Having good sex is all about understanding your needs and the needs of your partner(s). Indulge your bf and understand that you’re giving them what they want and turning them on. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable doing it at first, but in time, you may enjoy it knowing you’re giving them pleasure. Bear in mind that you have the right to ask them to perform things they may feel uncomfortable performing, but that turn you on. If you continue to feel uncomfortable, then that would be a sign you may not be sexually compatible and further discussions could help figure out where to go from there.
7. Are there any local leather groups I can join? I’m a newbie so not sure how to get started in that scene.
Elizabeth:
There are many groups that suit a different kind of niche. Some examples are:
- Austin GEARS: Austin Gears is a gay men’s social group created to connect, educate, and inform about various gear events in the Austin area.
- GWNN: A gateway group where you can find out information about special interest groups (SIGs) and events.
- Austin Girls of Leather: A club of self-identified leathergirls who provide camaraderie in a safe space, promote acceptance and understanding of feminine energy within leather, and provide community service.
Bound by Desire, SAADE, MAsT: Austin, MAsT: Leander; ClubFEM-Austin and more can all be found online on FetLife‘s website. FetLife is a fetish and kink social networking site for adults. You can sort by location and find out what’s going on in your part of town.
8. Can you explain why pain can be pleasing to some people during sex?
Mav:
Absolutely! There can be many reasons why people find pain adds to the pleasure of sex. There are lovely chemicals that get activated when the body perceives itself in danger. This can lead to a “high” off the pain itself. Others might have mental blocks and having something that is able to calm the mind, like pain, makes them more focused in the moment and better able to accept the pleasure being given.
A special thank you to our guest fetish and kink experts!
Mav
What is a Maverick? According to Urban Dictionary, it’s someone who refuses to play by the rules. They aren’t scared to cross the line of conformity but their unorthodox tactics get results!
Speaking of, Maverick is the inaugural Mx. Great Plains Olympus Leather 2019. They are honored to be the starting block for an inclusive title that honors those who live outside a gender binary. Their passion is educating on gender and encouraging those who are exploring their own gender.
Mr. Peter
A native Chicagoan now residing in Austin, Mr. Peter has been active as a mentor and teacher of bondage, flogging, and dungeon etiquette in the leather and kink communities for over 20 years. He is Mr. Texas Leather 2018, Mr. Austin Gears 2014, and competed at IML41 and IML36 and has served as a judge in leather, gear, and pup contests across the country. He is president of Heart of Texas Bears, a Council Member of Austin Gears, member of Discipline Corps, and founder of Back to the Woods held at Texas Conference of Clubs. He has worked with numerous LGBTQ+ groups in Texas, building community across interests. On his forearm is inked “ALL ARE WELCOME AT THE TABLE” to show his belief that we must celebrate the diversity in our communities and allow each person to be their true authentic self.
Elizabeth
Ms. Texas, 2019
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